Good thing you dropped by :)

Today, I’ve realized so many things. I was just laying on my mom’s bed then suddenly realized everything in my life. From my family, friends, the things I do & don’t, the boys I liked & hurt, the things I should’ve done, EVERYTHING. 

The whole day I was thinking about how happy he is with his new girl. I am very sad and depressed about it. Thinking I should’ve done this, that, this and that. But I realized why should I regret the things I’ve done? If it’s really meant to end why would I regret? I became optimistic for that moment. Thinking I should not regret anything because I know that God is behind all this pain. I was being brightened that moment, I felt hope & success in future. I was thinking about how will I make myself happy. Then, I realized, College is near :) Hope popped out! I feel like college will be amazing and I can visualized it. I see new friends, new crowd, new things, new adventures, new experiences, and new people. After thinking of that, I got happy coz I know something’s waiting for me in my college. 

New life, of course! I can’t wait to get the hell out of this place. I’am not saying that this place is hell, it’s just that I never felt special in here. Seems like everything is not what I wanted. New friends & people. I’ve had true friends in here, but not the same as my sisters when I was in 6th grade. Still haven’t found the girls I’ve been waiting for. Somone who I can tell everything with or better yet someone who I can hang out with anytime. That money wouldn’t be a problem. Not like my friends here, money matters because not everyone is living a good life like me. New places. Not like here, you can’t hang out anywhere because this is just a small town. Not like in Manila that you can go everywhre party anywhere be with everyone. So yeah, That’s why I wasn’t hanging with my friends because we got no place to go. I’m looking for somewhere like malls, to go shopping or cafe just to be relaxed and drink coffee or a good resto because I love food! There’s nothing like that in here so really boring. Lastly, New guys! :D I just hope that when I stepped on my college days, guys wouldn’t be a problem. Im just hoping that hot guys are everywhere! Looking for someone to love though, and I wish I’ll find him soon. Yes, I’m exited that much. :) Excited to have my FIRST BOYFRIEND <3 Excited to experience to be loved and how to love for the first time. Excited to be treated like a princess :”>

What I blog last night was lame. I should’ve not thought of that. I was so stupid thinking that he has problems that’s why he’s not texting. The truth is, he doesn’t like me anymore. </3 I’ve opened my friend’s inbox & BOOM I saw their conversation. My friend asked him if he still likes me, & eventually, He said no. When I read that, my mood changed. Everything changed especially my feelings. I wanna burst into tears & shout, but I just hid it from all of my friends. Yes. It hurts. So much hurt that I can’t even breathe. I can’t think of anything but him. I was so hurt. I don’t know what to do :(

After all the things he’ve said to me, All the sweet things, & caress. I never believed It was all fake. I thought I don’t believe in him, but the truth is, I believed with all his lies. They say, He got tired of me because we’re still not together. Is that even acceptable? He got tired? That’s his only reason? Well, FUCK HIM! I was gonna tell my mom that he would court me here in our house, then this will happen? Good thing I didn’t tell my mom or my mom would be dissapointed. 

I never knew this day would happen. It was just like 3 days ago, he was so sweet and caring but now? What is this? What the hell is he doing to me? Hurting me? This is not fair. I don’t deserve to feel this way. All my life, I’ve been good and now this? Heartbreak? Are you fucking kidding me? I just wanna be loved. That’s all I ever wanted in my life because I’ve never been loved. And now, heartbreak? This is all shits! I wanna get lost, & break away! I really can’t believe this is happening to me.

I wanna know the truth, of why he did this to me, of why he gave up on me that easily. I wanna talk to someone who can understand me, but no one is there to comfort me. Even my friends, it seems like they don’t care :/ I don’t know what to do, if I would talk to him & asked him what happened. I don’t wanna look stupid to him though. What if I talk to my friend and ask for advice? Will she ever comfort me and cheer me up? Honestly, there are lots of things running in my mind, & I don’t know what to do. Mixed emotions are just fucked up. I really hate this feeling. :((

I feel depressed when I’m alone. Especially when I have no one to talk to. Just like now, I’m alone, in my room and blogging this shit out. I AM DEPRESSED. I’m getting crazy coz I think too much. I think of him, TOO MUCH. That ain’t right. I know. He’s not texting again. I don’t know what his problem is. He wouldn’t tell me. A while ago, in our TLE class he came, with his skateboard. He was so late (What’s so new) He’s always late and cuts classes everyday. 

The story goes like this. He entered our room. While we were taking our quiz. He wasn’t doing anything that’s why our teacher scolded him. My teacher was so pissed at him & he took his skateboard. He was so mad that he answer back to our teacher. & he left our room bringing his skateboard. 

What the fuck is he doing? He’s going back to the real him again. He was so Gago back then, but he changed. and now he got back to his real self. I guess you can never really change a person. I miss the things he changed. His not the guy I liked. I don’t know what his problem is, but I know he does have a problem. I don’t know If it’s me, or something. He wouldn’t just text me. I miss him though. 

I wanna talk to him. I wanna ask if something’s wrong. I wanna scold him for what he have done a while ago. I wanna shout at him! Despite all of that, I wanna hug him. I wanna tell him that everything’s gonna be alright. That I will always be here if he needs me. I wanna hear all his problem. I’m very affected of what he is showing now. Seems like nothing’s right. & I wanna correct every mistake I made to him :( I don’t know if I will apologize, I don’t even know if it’s my fault. I am so clueless right now. I just hope he could talk to me to know if something’s wrong. 

What is Stupidity? When I left my bag at Mcdonald’s. I was in the jeepney with my friend, then I was gonna get down in the school. She was like, Where is your bag? I was like, Oh fucking shit. I left it in Mcdonald’s! Damn! I was like FLASH, I ran & Got down in the jeepney, then rode in the tricycle to get into Mcdonald’s. Well, good thing I didn’t leave my wallet in my bag. Shheeez! So I got back in Mcdonald’s, my bag was there. Yaaay! Nobody took it, so thanks Lord! :) Sorry for my Stupidity. I hope it won’t happen again. Tootles! 

First dance with him was AWKWARD. You know why? because he makes himself awkward, & if he’s awkward, I’m awkward too. Funny isn’t it? We don’t talk a lot, we don’t even look at each other. It feels like, he’s being shy or what so ever? It is so not like him! Haha. Oh well, we practiced for our practicum in MAPEH & my friend listed our name together for us to be partners. Can’t do anything about it. We danced, & we looked like an idiot. That awkwardness ruined our dance. Hooraay for Awkwardness! I really didn’t feel anything special, Idk why. :| But I wanna feel something, especially when he touches my hand when we dance. I feel nothing & I hate it. Why don’t I feel anything? 

Hello tumblr, I’m back. Just because I wanna blog something. Sorry for that. I just want someone to talk to, but there’s no one so I chose you. The story goes like this, He texts me everyday. Like every fucking moment of my life. Every morning he would texts me “Good morning baby” , “I love you” , “You take care”. He would say “I love you” 100 times a day. He always tells me that he would always be there for me, that he would never give up on me. Well, I didn’t believe on that. I never believed in him. Idk why, maybe because I know him so well. I know that he’s just trippin’ but why am I affected now if I never believed in him? I thought I don’t care but when he stopped texting me, I feel so lonely & Alone. It’s like something’s wrong & something’s incomplete. I waited for his text, like today, this morning I was expecting a “Good morning” but didn’t receive any. I waited the whole day but all the messages I received didn’t came from him. & now I’m thinking about all the things he’ve said. Good thing I didn’t fall for him, or else I would be a broken hearted girl. It’s just weird that he was so sweet yesterday & now he stopped. I don’t know if he doesn’t feel anything anymore, or If he doesn’t really like me. All I know is I’m bothered coz I’m used to receive texts from him. Now he’s gone, just like a bubble.